december 6

it is a warm december in boston.

we have a beautiful christmas tree, and it is nice to return to the world of traditions and holiday cheer. last year i essentially boycotted the holidays, needing an emotional cleanse. now i am ready for the smells and flavors and chores all associated with this season, and happy to be part of it. everything seems sharper and brighter.

joe carried the tree from fanuiel hall. how funny to carry a large christmas tree through the city streets. a charming, silly thing.

October 27: the pits

transfer money out of your savings to pay for student loans? the worst.

October 21

going with my mother to the maine house, to close the house. we opened it together in the early spring when i felt downtrodden and broken hearted.

i imagine  the closing of the house will be much like the opening of it for the season. wine on porch, walk around pemaquid point, clean-clean-clean, wine on the porch, walk around pemaquid point.  but in reverse order. cleaning ------> walking------> wine on porch--------> sunset.

and then there are the last of the season lobsters to consider, too!

october 12: being present

I am the happiest I have been in years.

October 4

i walked to work in sour spirits. had flashes of visceral rage flaring up like heart burn.

but then things got better, when i decided for the 1,000 time to focus on the future and work on forgiveness.

and then ate a muffin.

tonight dinner with [...someone who makes me happy...], so for today, the worst is behind me.

September 30th: around the corner

yeah for wool sweaters and warm socks! apple pie and autumn leaves!

i have the warm gratitute now, daily.

i like my 30s. i like the people i have surrounding me.

and i am seeing true grace everywhere.

september 22: need a vacation

i want to fly to some hidden corner of the world with a good friend or two. bring a book and a few sundresses and explore and sleep and eat like kings.

september 21: goodbye, summer

today seems like the last summer day... it has been cold, but all of a sudden, when we are all used to grabbing cardigans and close-toed shoes, the sun shines warm again at 75 degrees.

i will take it!

tonight joe and i are collecting many ingredients to make a mexican feast. he assures me this will be far superior to the traditional cheap-ass mexican amy and i prefer to make mid-week. (can of black beans... tortillas... can of salsa... onion.... chedder and perhaps a tomato. we bare bones it.)

we decided to just trust his judgment and be fed. he cooks, we drink the wine. not SO bad of a deal I would say.

September 15: new resolution

let's learn to put the past in it's rightful place.

September 8: Kerouac quote

"Something good will come of all things yet"

September 7: rain.

it feels as though fall is descending on boston quickly this year. this morning as i lumbered around my new (totally great) apartment I needed slippers on my feet and my warmest bathrobe. last night i unpacked with my new roommate and watched old episodes of "true blood", drinking a vodka gimlet and arranging pictures.

 i am feeling happier and more content than I have in most of 2011--perhaps all of it--and that fills me with the sort of gratitude born of hardship. what comes is better, then what came before.

August 30

only two more days left in this apartment. the transition period officially ends. i think. or is it all transition? no matter.

 this year of madness is over, and the new one has full and bright promises ahead. offering itself up to my imagination, harsh and exciting. over and over announcing my place in the family of things.*



*mary oliver reference.