operatic pinings

i just discovered: i enjoy opera music very much.

last weekend, as a break from the studying--which, at its worse, feels like a food allergy tightening in my throat and making my breathing short and unsatisfying, inducing panic-- N. and I walked ten minutes towards the waterfront to the Boston arts festival. local artists sold revolutionary t-shirts and abstract paintings; hand-made, structured hats and jewelry; city landscapes and knitted scarves and mosaic postcard. So many things that took care and prolonged effort to create. All the while a woman on a stage by the Marriot sang opera, and it was haunting and lovely....emotive on a full scale. i liked that it was in another language, and the only way i could relate to the song was through the range of her voice and its sounds. it has lingered in my mind ever since. a bride with six or seven fushia bridesmaid dresses took photos by the water, with her cathedral veil flying wildly in the wind. meanwhile, to the side, the city of boston offered free water color painting to the kids...

clusters of children painting mezmerized, deliriously happy while the wedding photographer furiously snapped photos of the bright bridal party and the opera singer sang and sang

i felt really happy. so much life all around. it was a wonderful hour.

things are ok for me. i love living in the city... helps me feel alive. there are a few budding friendships at law school, and i know the hard volume of workload will become more managable. already my old life sometimes feels like a ghost i remember as an old friend. i suppose that is often how life unfolds, in contrast to gradual, suprising changes.

sleepless in boston

It's late--past midnight--and I can't sleep. Late for someone who gets up at 7 every morning. this is different from my old life when 9 am was an early day. but then, in that life, midnight was like 10 p.m.

i tried to make ophelia--my three years old cat, who is steel grey and weighs five pounds--sleep with me tonight, but she slipped away. I trapped her under the sheets, pressing her little body against mine. she purred while she wriggled free, which i didn't understand. Her fur feels like the softest, sleekest cashmere scarf. except she bites if i pet her too long. she has many opinions on how to love her.

i am learning many things. i watched "law and order" ealier tonight, as a break from my studying. I was hoping the program would touch on some the legal principles I have been discovering, layer by layer.... maybe a show on the nature of "intent", for instance. No such luck... same old same old fake alibis and true motives and murder schemes.

i talked to an old friend the other day and it made me sad. for probobly alot of reasons. but maybe the overarching theme, if there is one: how differently we remember the past. and why we even remember it even in the first place. and how we learn from it, if we do.

i will try and sleep again. read a billy collin's poem or something of the kind to slip into dreams, away from case briefs, from the uncertain past, from my naughty cat. in the morning she will be sweet again, so there is that to anticipate.

so many people are lonely, even with people all around. me too.